As you know if you’ve been around my blog much, I am single. Which is, you know, kinda funny, since I write a wedding blog. So, since I don’t really have marriage tips to offer as of now, I started writing these Dear Mr. Someday posts just to add a little personal touch so the playlist-inspirationboard-realwedding-playlist-inspirationboard pattern keeps from getting monotonous. I mean you guys, I love making playlists. And inspiration boards. And sharing real weddings. Like, a lot. But I also love to think and dream and write, so I’m just going to go ahead and keep doing that when I feel so inclined. Hopefully you’re cool with that. Anyway, I got a note to write to my future man, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hop to it.
Dear Mr. Someday,
Since you are a male, and I am a female, there is one thing I know for sure: I am going to confuse you sometimes. Probably a lot. So, I thought I’d give you some pointers, now, ahead of time, to help a brother out. Because it would probably be pretty annoying if I was giving you pointers once we were dating. Plus I won’t want to, because I’m going to want you to magically know how to
deal with treat me. Amiright, ladies? Oh sorry Mr. Someday, back to you. So, here’s my list of handy dandy tips, which I may casually print and leave lying around somewhere for you to find one day, when you’re mine. (These are not in order of importance, or any order at all, really.)
1. Hold my hand. As often as humanly possible. I’ve been waiting for you my. whole. life. I have not settled for less, or wasted time dating people that I knew I wasn’t going to marry, because that’s just not my style. But waiting has not been easy, my friend. Not at all. So please make up for lost time (which wasn’t your fault, but what has that got to do with anything?) and hold my hand as often as you can. In the movies, at the beach, in the grocery store, at the DMV… Whenever, wherever. Even when our hands get sweaty. Even when we get old. The only exception to this rule is if we are hanging out with a single friend, just the three of us, and they are already feeling like a third wheel. That’s just rude. Let’s not do that to them. Ok moving on.
2. Listen. This is a good tip actually for any person who is of the human variety. I learned a lot about this in my counseling classes. I’m going to do a really good job at listening to you, so try to do the same, k? (This is my joking voice, I promise I won’t be this snarky in person… most of the time.) Anyhow, the major tips for good listening: eye contact, body language, empathy (you feel ____ because ____) it sounds stupid but it works. I do it to people all the time and they don’t even know I’m doing my “counselor” thing. They just feel validated. I like feeling validated too.
3. Empathize. Ok I brought that up already because it goes with listening, but it’s worth repeating. Since you are a guy, you are going to want to fix things, because that is just part of your genetic makeup. I am going to appreciate this about you, I promise. Especially when it’s the sink. But when I’m really upset (aka “the ugly cry”) there is nothing you are going to be able to do to fix it. The majority of the time, anyway. It doesn’t matter why I’m upset. (There is often no rhyme or reason to my emotions – this you will learn.) Or if you’ve already realized that you can’t fix it, you may want to say, “everything’s going to be ok” which is very sweet of you and I totally know where you’re coming from with that, but I want to warn you ahead of time that if I’m really upset, I will probably yell, “no it isn’t!” at you. And then you will look at me with puppy dog eyes, and I will feel terribly guilty, and that will only add to my sorrows. So, an alternative option is for you to do that empathy thing I talked about before. Just repeat back what I’m saying that I feel, in a voice that sounds like you understand. (Even if you don’t. It’s ok if you don’t. I don’t, half the time.) And then I will look at you like “You totally get me and are the best boyfriend/husband ever.” And it will be way better than the previous scenario. Another response that will most likely be a winner every time is “I love you.” (If and when you do.) Those words are magical and have healing powers.
4. Lead me. I am stubborn, and strong-willed, and have a slightly rebellious streak and a tendency to question authority all the time. Only people who know me really well know this about me, because most of the time I am mellow and easy going. But when people try to make me do things, I have a strange desire to stomp my feet and cross my arms and tell them I refuse. I guess I just like to be independent and am a bit of a free spirit (that’s the nice, PC way to describe those character qualities… I prefer them to other terms that could be used.) Anyway, this is something I’m always working on, in my relationship with God and other authorities in my life. Despite my desire to be independent and in control, there is a stronger, deeper desire at the core of my being to let go and just be taken care of. (I think if more ladies were honest with themselves, they would admit that they secretly want this too.) If and when I try to take control of you and/or our relationship, stop me. Be a man. Be in control. I will like it, even if I pout about it sometimes. (And I’ll try to do that when you’re not looking.)
5. Put God first. (If I was ordering these appropriately, this would be #1.) Your relationship with Jesus should come before your relationship with me. Just as my relationship with Jesus should come before my relationship with you. (You might have to remind me that sometimes, I’m probably going to be really distracted by you at first, like a shiny new toy. Not to totally objectify you or anything.) But in seriousness, I know that any days/weeks/months, etc when either or both of us is not putting God first, will be the hardest ones in our relationship. And when we are putting Him first, He will bless it and our relationship. Come to think of it… I’m pretty sure the reason that I didn’t put this as number one is because this is the one that I’m most confident you will already know. That’s just the kind of guy I would choose. (Not to toot my own horn or anything.) So thanks for being awesome.
6. Surprise me. It’s ok if you’re not the most creative or romantic guy that has ever walked the earth. Or even close to that. Or even an iota of that, really. It doesn’t take much. It doesn’t have to be fancy, elaborate, or expensive. It just has to be something that I didn’t know was coming, and is a sign that you were thinking of me, or that you went out of your way to do something for me. I’m not even going to list ideas, because I believe in you. You can do this one on your own.
There are a lot of others (make me laugh, take me on adventures, pray for me and with me, tell me stories, tolerate my constant singing and act like you love it, give me space when I need it, hold me when I cry, tell me to stop when I’m being ridiculous, apologize when you’re wrong, forgive me when I’m wrong, love my dogs or at least pretend to… actually no you have to really love them… and the list goes on.) You’ll be good at all those things though, because that’s why I chose you. And we will both make mistakes, and we will learn from them, and it’s going to be an amazing journey, and I can’t wait to start it with you. So hurry up already.