Dear Mr. Someday,
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chivalry. I don’t believe it’s dead. I do believe that our culture values it much less than it used to, but I see regular evidence that it is still alive and well. Particularly in the stories of heroes, like the three men who gave their lives to save their girlfriends in the Colorado shooting. They reacted on instinct. They valued others’ lives above their own, particularly their loved ones.
I’m an old-fashioned type of girl, a romantic at heart. I’m not an anti-feminist, I believe that women absolutely should have every right and opportunity that men have. However, I also believe that women should be valued and cherished by the men in their lives. I think the rise of feminism has confused our men in some ways. Women should be treated equally by society as a whole, but that doesn’t mean that a man should treat a woman the way he treats other men.
Some of you ladies may disagree with me. And that’s fine. But I believe that deep down in every woman’s heart, she desires to be cherished, to be pursued and romanced, to be found lovely and valuable, to be taken care of. Chivalry recognizes that. I have been taking care of myself for some years now, I’m perfectly capable of it. But there’s a different kind of care, one that can only come from another person.
So, Mr. Someday. I’m not asking you to take a bullet for me. There are small ways that you can show me that you care and that I am valued. In case our modern society has confused you, and you’re not sure how I, or any woman would want to be treated, here are some tips. (Some will overlap from this post, but don’t mind that. This one is chivalry-specific.)
Open doors. I am fully capable of opening them myself, but I still appreciate the gesture. (Pulling out chairs, paying for dinner, etc. also go in this category. They are appreciated.)
Walk me to my car, or my door. At night, if we are both leaving somewhere, or you are dropping me off, walk me to my destination. The world is a more dangerous place for me than it is for you, and I will feel protected if you do this.
Be protective. If other men are looking at me or talking to me in a way they shouldn’t, stand up for me. That doesn’t mean you should be jealous, because when I give my heart to you it will be yours alone. But be protective, be my knight in shining armor. Even just putting your arm around me and walking away will do. It shows me that you’re paying attention, and you care.
Be kind, polite and respectful. I’m not even going to elaborate on this one because I know that you will be. It’s just a necessary bullet point in how to be chivalrous.
Be honest. Another self-explanatory one.
Give compliments. This is how you make a girl feel valued and cherished. If you think something nice about me, say it. Feel free to tell me I’m pretty as often as you please (I’ll never get tired of hearing it!) but also compliment my character, that will mean even more to me. I will do the same.
Be romantic. Surprise me. Do little things for me that I’m not expecting. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or time consuming, or what-have-you. It could be any small gesture that shows me you are thinking about me and you care.
Hold my hand. As often as possible. Just do it.
Listen. There’s probably no better way to show me that you value me than to listen to what I have to say and show me that you understand, and care.
That’s about it. I would love some pointers on how to make you feel valued as a man, so feel free to give me some when we get there.